All systems normal...nothing to report.

Surprisingly, I find myself absolutely speechless this evening. Which those of you closest to my rants, will probably find unbelievable. Today was completely uneventful; no one in the office had a fight over who was the most childish, no one had a mini-breakdown over the lack of enthusiasm on behalf of our students this afternoon, no one broke anyone else`s mug or nicked anyone`s pen. Furthermore, no one had a spack attack and threatened to resign, no students complained, none of the staff made any schedule mistakes or forgot to put an additional student on the schedule, and no one told any totally inappropriate obscene jokes... well, until the end of the shift when Spencer and Steven needlessly started quoting some appalling film lines, that is.... In fact, it was so quiet today that I thought for a couple of hours that I was in some kind of surreal drama where my reality had been replaced by my ideal. I didn`t even get attacked by any cicadas, and the one who had taken up residence on my balcony last night seems to have gone home... not only did I have a great day at work, but FINALLY, amidst all the angst of Israel and the rest of the Middle East, and the threats to BA flights, there was some GOOD news on CNN today... they think they have actually caught the man who murdered JonBenet, the little pageant queen, at last... Maybe life isn`t that bad after all...


Meadfoot beach, Torquay... home is where the heart is...

A new idea for Hitchcock...?

Yes, I know he`s no longer with us, but trust me, if he were, he would want to remake his film "The Birds" and nattily re-title it "Curse of the Cicadas". Yes, I am still on this. Since my post yesterday, the bugs from Hell have obviously formed a guild and are out to get me. There has been one screeeeeeping around my balcony for the last 2 and a half hours. Trapped between my screen door and the wall and the washing machine, it`s driving me and itself mad by endlessly trying to escape, settling on the door for a few minutes and then slowly crawling from the bottom to the top like some nasty little sneak before trying to do another runner. I am convinced the scummer is seeking weaknesses in my screen door and after I go to bed it`s going to force its way into my room and crawl all over my face....All I can say is, praise the Lord for the invention of screen doors... if I was at home and had lef the window open for a bit of fresh air, he and his mates would not doubt have barged into the flat and smothered me where I type... Then again, I don`t think we have them at home...


And there are people who say they are harmless?? Oh please, it`s quite clear they are trying to take over the planet...

Why did God create cicadas? (Answers on a postcard, please!)

I hate them. Absolutely cannot stand the creatures. My biggest objection to the darn things is the appalling noise they make when colliding with walls, lamp posts, light fittings, screen doors, random animals that they happen to feel like attacking and/or each other. It can only be described as "screeeeeeeeep" It is a vile, fingernails across glass crossed with an angry crow squawk. My second objection to them is the fact that they hide in darkened corners where you can`t see them - jumping at the slightest noise or movement, screeeeeeeping away and thus, frightening the living daylights out of me.

Then there is the fact that they fall haphazardly from the sky without warning, landing within centimetres of your feet or worse still, on your head. I HATE THEM. They are stupid creatures, too. Having no sense at all, they fly in the direction of any available light and get trapped, which means they fly into it again and again in their hopeless quest for freedom and screeeeeeeeeeep until they get fried or finally realize that freedom lies in the opposite direction to the light.

Classic Tokyo Hurrah Moment: a crow and a cicada having a fight in a tree, presumably it was some sort of territorial war and I have to tell you that the giant, evil mutant demon crow was NOT winning. The noise was horrendous. If I ever pluck up the courage to get close enough to video one, you will see just how possessed these things are! My thoughts on crows will be forthcoming.

An aside - the other day I went to the 7-11 to pay my internet bill and nearly died of fright when a huge pile of dead leaves started crawling towards my feet... It turned out be a large frog. Right there in the middle of the pavement... I`ve never seen the like, no water for miles, what was he doing there...?

Today`s photos: another of Japan`s giant bugs - this is a bee (not as some would have it, a mutant hummingbird!) Shoudoshima was chock full of beautiful flowers and insects to match.






I have never seen a dragonfly sit on a car aerial before! Also in Shoudoshima, an island that could also have been named paradise...

A night on the town...

So one of my students is a traditional dancer and at the moment she`s doing a show at a beer garden...hmmm....that`s what I thought, but Spencer and I decided to take a trip over there to watch her dance this evening, the place was fantastic. Beautiful green lawns and immaculate pine trees vied for attention with the Viking style torch like things and the dancers themselves! It cost a fortune so all we managed was a miniscule pizza and something called "grilled yams" - I could live without the yams, they were uhm... crunchy... strange things. Spencer said he thought yams were like sweet potatoes... They aren`t.
The dancing was utterly excellent, we arrived a bit late at 5.15(!) and were told we would have to wait for the next dance at 7.45 if we wanted to sit on the lawn... Not impressed by that- I tried pulling the old we are friends of the artiste thing which got us less than nowhere. When Spencer went out for a smoke (disgusting habit which I am trying to make him quit)- he happened to meet Satomi and she told him we could see the dancing from the comfy chairs in the lobby. So that`s what we did, and then she came back in and insisted we all had a photo taken, she grabbed some poor harassed sound guy and made him do it.
Then of course, because we had already been in line and taken the requisite ticket, we went back to the queue for the terrace and thoroughly ticked off a couple of guys by bypassing it. That was funny, they started moaning - obviously thinking we couldn`t understand them, so I whipped and the ticket which said "we were here an hour and a half before you so shut up" and started fanning my face with it... heh heh heh... How to make friends and influence people! Because the first set of dancing had finished people started to leave pretty quickly so we got escorted to a table with a great view and proceeded to watch two of the cast give instructions on how to do the next dance, apparently it was a "raccoon dog dance" I still have no idea. They were expecting the audience to get up and give it a go... See photos! I didn`t try as I was far too busy arguing with my camera but it looked like fun and the costumes were very beautiful. After that we were dragged over to have a Polaroid taken and Satomi took great delight in introducing us to everyone as her teachers... After that we had a brief chat and decided that we couldn`t afford to stay so we went to kinshicho and holed up in watami... Spencer decided to eat the family sized sashimi platter and I was just about tipsy enough to try some. It didn`t make me throw up but I won`t be having it again. Spent a pleasant hour teaching him vulgar British slang for being drunk!! Legged it to the station just in time for the last train and that was that. Probably ought to think about going to bed now, as is almost 2am...

Congratulations Jane and Nori!!

So Jane`s baby finally turned up almost a week late! After I got back from the hair salon, I popped up to the hospital to see her. Having missed the train by 2 minutes, I got a taxi to the next station, legged it onto the platform without checking the train, discovered when it didn`t stop that it was the express, got off, turned round and eventually turned up at almost 8.30pm... the typical Tokyo Hurrah! Quite spooky I thought, finally managed to find the room and all the curtains were drawn so you couldn`t see who was in each bed... I didn`t want to disturb anyone so I ended up going outside the room to email her to find out! Only in Japan. Thankfully she had heard me sneaking around and came out to save me from the humiliation of being caught by one of the nurses!! Anyway, welcome to little Isla, who is very cute indeed. I couldn`t use the flash in as she was asleep and I had no inclination to wake her up and have her start screaming, also I had to crop this photo a little bit as I felt the vomit stains on her babygrow wouldn`t very flattering!!! Apparently her eyes are very blue; her sister`s are too, I cannot understand it, I thought brown was the dominant gene...?! Anyway...

The duet with Nancy went reasonably well, no major ghastliness. Nancy crept out before the end of the service, leaving me to single handedly deal with a solid half an hour of people wanting to say how marvellous I was.... it`s a hard life.. haaaaaaaa!

I was messing around on the net looking for someone I know but can`t find earlier and I came across an interesting murder case in the news. Apparently a woman shot her husband, a preacher, in the back and legged it. The responses were amazing, I wasted three hours reading blogs, news boards and articles about it before I even realised where the time had gone. It may even be closer to four or five hours now, as it is past 3am... They belonged to this cult/sect/"independent church" called Church of Christ, it all sounds like Opus Dei to me.... More than a wee bit sinister. I don`t want to waste another millennium on it but look it up, it`s fascinating... Mary Winkler. It is all a bit reminiscent of Sion Jenkins who was charged and jailed for murdering his foster daughter, Billie-Jo, I read so much about it, really believed he had been framed and then saw him interviewed by Trevor MacDonald and now I can`t quite bring myself to believe he did it, but he was SO slimy and I`m sure he was lying about everything. Even if he didn`t do it, I think he knows who did. What really bothers me about it though, is that according to the law, you have to be able to prove beyond reasonable doubt that someone committed a crime, right? Well according to the court transcripts, there is NO WAY they proved their case. There was more than enough reasonable doubt. The fact that if you beat someone over the head with a pipe, you should be covered in blood for a start...... Again, feel free to look him up, I`ve already ranted enough...

Onto happier topics, the PSC meeting wasn`t as bad as expected, actually it was quite good and I am feeling much more positive about the forthcoming visits. The hair salon was lovely, Jun is climbing the rungs of the stylists` career ladder, now he has minions who hand him things... I kid you not, he actually has someone stand behind him and slightly to the right to hand him his scissors, hairdryer and sprays and things... it`s really quite funny, they make you feel like a princess, so they should however, because the place costs a fortune. I like the head and shoulder massages best, though...

It`s far too late for this, I don`t know why I`m still up - I`m off to bed...

Today`s photo opportunity

May 2006 - The Wisteria festival at Kameido tenjin, a shrine. The camera and I are getting on a little better by now...

Just another day at the office...

Since I am just getting started with this blogging business, I thought an insight into my daily life might be in order... Working in an English conversation school in Tokyo is impossible to truly describe. After four years, my students still never fail to amaze me, just when I think I really heard or seen it it all, a student says something that completely floors me; I thought you might appreciate some of the classics:

Me: (looking at an innocent picture of a cabaret bar) So, what can you tell me about this picture?

Middle aged female student: Ah, yes, they are in a bar and the waitresses are servicing the men...

That one made me laugh so hard I actually thought I would fall off my chair, the smile was wiped off my face fairly quickly when the student asked me why she couldn`t say "servicing"

Me: So, what kind of questions can we ask about a football match that we missed on TV?

30 something female student: Uhm.... Who was pointed...?

In the VOICE room which is for practicing conversation, not studying the book... "So what are we talking about this afternoon?" Middle aged female student who is hard of hearing and of questionable sanity " Jesus Christ came. Last lesson"

Me: So, what can we do to be healthier?

Retired male student: Oh, you should eat leather....

Then there was the time that I asked a student how he had been since I hadn`t seen him in a while. He told me that he had been in hospital, but not to worry it was relatively common in Japan but he didn`t know the word for it. Unfortunately he then decided to describe his condition in intimate detail, and I do mean intimate. It turned out to be hemorrhoids...

Just today, when I asked a pharmacy student what she did at university, she told me that in experiment class, she practiced making medicine to "take from hole of hip". Obviously I was absolutely baffled. It turned out that she was talking about a suppository, and it was down to me to teach her the correct anatomical vocabulary. I love my job...


It was reasonably quiet today which was a bit of a surprise for a Saturday, I really object to working on Saturdays, unfortunately though, they are the busiest day of the week so I will get Saturdays off when Hell freezes over, and possibly not even then. Usually it`s all kids in, but I think they are all on holiday because I didn`t have to teach any which was marvellous. As I write this I am watching episodes of Red Dwarf - series 1. Brings back some memories, I can tell you, unfortunately, it doesn`t bring back any memories of this morning, which seems to have been inexplicably erased from my brain. Weird that. Perhaps I need another cup of tea.
I have a lot to do this weekend, I`m singing a duet from Pergolesi`s Stabat Mater with Nancy tomorrow morning at church. I didn`t want to do it but the choir is on holiday until September and we need offertory music, Shiozawa-san the director of the choir told me I had to do a solo, and I said I`d rather not. To which he said "Ok you can do a duet with Nancy" It wasn`t quite what I had in mind but it`s too late to get out of it now... I wouldn`t mind but it`s really hard and it feels like we`ve hardly rehearsed at all. I suppose I`d better make sure I don`t go to bed at my customary 2 in the morning and get some proper sleep!

After church I have a Pastor Search Committee meeting, it`s all very secret so I can`t say anything about it. Not that you`d want to hear, I shouldn`t think, it`s all very dull really, essentially we are trying to find a new pastor for our church because the last one`s contract expired and by mutual agreement, we decided he wouldn`t renew it. When I say "we" I mean the congregation, of course. Anyway, somehow I found myself on this committee and then I found myself chairing it. Now *that* is a laugh. In the next few weeks we will have a couple of pastors over here for visits and we will interview them and see them do a worship service, then we have to choose one of them. I wish it was all over, I am seriously sick of it. There`s no real explanation for why it`s a load of old rubbish but it is. I told my house group how I was feeling because they always ask me about it, and they told me not to be a wuss! They are right, of course, I simply must see it through til the end, but honestly, it is *such* a massive chore. I had a nightmare about it last night which involved loads of chasing around after bits of paper and running for phone calls, Kana was in it too, for some reason she had turned up at church to wait for me but this meeting ran on and on and she was being a total bitch, which is funny because she is the nicest person.

After that, I am going to Tony and Guy on the second most expensive street in the world. Tokyo Union Church is on Omotesando, next door to Louis Vuitton, up the road from Dior and Emporio Armani, Chanel are there somewhere, along with Tag Heuer and Hanae Mori. Absolutely ghastly. Apparently Armani objected the queues of homeless men who come for the weekly homeless lunch on Saturdays... Sucks to be them - I suggested we ask their staff to lunch as well!! Anyway, I have an appointment to have my hair cut with the lovely Jun; very handsome, very charming and knows exactly how to get his own way with my hair! Perhaps I`ll get a photo of him tomorrow and post it for everyone, although if I do that, everyone will want to see him, and I won`t be able to get an appointment!
After that it will be an hour on the train to get home and a trip to the local laundrette... Life in Tokyo; one big old hurrah.

Today`s photo opportunity:
































February 2006 - Still not really very friendly with the digital camera...

Why yet another uninspiring, ranty blog...?

A few weeks ago, a very good friend of mine, who is jolly holy and much more sensible than I will ever be, suggested that I write a journal to rid myself of my angst. I told her that I had neither the time, nor the inclination... However, on seeing jongudmund`s blog I thought to myself, what a fantastic idea, I could write a journal online... that way I can sit and type away until the wee hours without having to waste a perfectly good notebook and ink on the effort! I`m almost sure that you won`t enjoy my blog, which will probably be insufferably dull but you might like the photos...

The first time I tried out my digital camera was at the January Sumo Tournament at Ryogoku. The camera and I did not get along, I wished I had bought another 35mm we are friends now, I think... just about.