On the wall of a shopping mall...

This is just so wrong, for so many, many reasons....

Letters, 4.

This may well not appeal to certain readers; as ever, I write this for myself. If you wish not to read it, don't.

Dear Colin,

It has been a fair while since our last correspondence. Frankly I have been trying to concentrate on more important things, so I let the fact that during the children's talk a few weeks ago, you suggested the children follow the leaders of our church blindly instead of thinking for themselves about whether they are being led in the right direction and the making a decision for themselves, go. This morning's sermon however, frankly appalled me. Preaching on Esther and Mordecai was a good topic, preaching on standing up, and trying to challenge people's thinking and doing something to make a difference was inspired. You then exhorted us to use our God-given gifts to do the same. If I had not being trying so hard to restrain my sarcastic laughter, I would have cried. Given the events of recent months regarding my own use of my gifts and attempts to challenge people's thinking and your response to that, forgive me if I ask How Dare You? How ******* DARE you?

Yours etc etc

Cheese

OK, Nancy has come up with a way to amuse me and make singing all the dreadful rubbish I have to belt out, halfway bearable!

We shall be awarding each piece a "cheese rating" somewhat like the Michelin Star system but instead of 5 stars for excellence, we will be dishing out Camemberts for cheese factor.

Anything Baroque or pre-Baroque will obviously not be getting any Camemberts because it is all classy and non-cheesy stuff. However, anything will awful lyrics, and/or repetitive music, will be under scrutiny.

Starting with a piece donated by our very own Pastor-Idol, Barry Dawson, called "Bring to the Lord a Song" or something equally uninspired, which he loves so much that he will actually be joining us to sing it - Dreadful load of rot, absolutely cheese-mungus, I have already given it a whopping 5 Camemberts