To be entirely fair, Captivate *is* the name of the bar, but really...

31

panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack what am i doing with my life panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack sitting around the far east without a proper job panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack where did the last three decades go panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack why haven't i achieved anything yet panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic attack panic panic panic panic panic panic attack panic. attack.

"It's the Tropics..." II

Now, where was I? Oh yes, that's right, arrival at Bill and Sunsook's palace. Well alright, it *is* a house but only just... It is this enormous mansion type thing with several bedrooms and bathrooms to match - that was novel, the only time I have ever had my own bathroom actually attached to my bedroom was when I used to stay at my Great Aunt Mary's house and I had a teency shower room connected to my room, but let me just tell you how nice it is to be able to get up in the middle of the night and walk straight into your bathroom - although in order to be completely fair, the distance between my bed and that bathroom is probably the same as the distance between my bedroom and the bathroom in my flat here! The space was absolutely terrific, I loved it, not that I actually need a three floor house or anything but if I had that much space, I should think living with other people might actually be tolerable... have I mentioned how much I loved the space?! Also wonderful are the orchids Bill and Sunsook are growing in the living room and in the front garden where they actually like, have breakfast in the morning because unlike me, they are proper grown-ups! *I* on the other hand, managed to avoid getting up in the morning and having breakfast on most days so that was great...! The other great feature of the house is the kitten, well, ok, she's not actually a feature per se... and although Sunsook will swear blind otherwise, she isn't as cute as Simon or mary-the-hamster, but she is very cute indeed and I had great fun playing with her until she decided to try and eat my jumper and sank her teeth into my arm instead... here's a picture of her in a carrier bag. (Don't ask me...)
So, when I arrived, Bill was away on business somewhere - possibly India - so it was up to Sunsook and me to battle on bravely and cope alone.. As you can imagine, that was a terrible hardship. what with us being such utterly waif like, girly creatures... (haaaaa haaaa!) but we managed. Somehow.
The first day we went to the Singapore Art Museum - I hear that sarcastic laughter at the back!- It was quite an education since as we all know, I am a complete ignoramus when it comes to art. But see, here's the good thing, because Sunsook is an Artist-with-a-capital-A, she does installations, and so, I had the privilege of my own art critic to tell me what was what as we walked around. Well, I say, walked, in my case it was probably more like staggered, from work to work, as I was still only half-awake despite the fact that it was very much afternoon by that point. If I said "Explain to me why this is art" once, I must have said it a thousand times and when I wasn't saying that I was asking "Yes, but what does it mean...?". I think I learnt, well let's say reinforced a previously formed idea, that I do not understand modern, well I say modern I suppose I really mean abstract, art in any form. That goes for literature, jazz, sculpture and paintings, too. I mean really, what does it mean?! What are these people trying to say?! Anyway, to Sunsook's credit she was remarkably patient, if I had been in her shoes, I would have turned around and told me not to be so thick. I think I did cheese her off just a tiny bit when I mentioned liking Renoir because she treated me to a 7 or possibly 7 and a half minute tirade about why Renoir is bourgeois, unoriginal, not representative of real life and in short, crap. So there you have it, you heard it here first; Renoir is rubbish! I did see one sculpture I really liked called "Anxiety" which was like, 3 slush coloured blobs each bigger than the previous one, constrained by bands of metal so they looked to me like brains being squeezed by vices. Most interesting. Of course, what the artist was actually thinking they represented was probably something totally different! Mostly I just stumbled around, looking at stuff going "huh?!" while Sunsook glided around elegantly muttering about lines and forms...!

"It's the Tropics, but we're civilised..." - Bill Streeter, man about Singapore.

I'm not even sure where to start really, should I begin with the fabulous shopping, the grandeur of Raffles Hotel, the weather, the merlion or the tropical flowers...? If I sat and thought about it for a millennium, I do not think I could do the week I have just had justice. I simply lack the vocabulary that would make me eloquent enough to fully describe how fantastic Singapore is. Not to mention the company, which was probably the best thing about the entire affair in any case. I had the misfortune to arrive at 1.30 AM, of course the bags took ages and poor Sunsook, had to nobly wait until I appeared about 20 minutes later, only to be rewarded with a bleary eyed growl and some muttering about being really tired in response to her generous enquiry about whether I wanted to try some local delicacy she had picked up... Her friend Mary had come along for the ride to keep Sunsook company and I'm sure there was a conversation in there somewhere but sadly, I could hardly understand anything she said to me... this is what happens to my brain at obscene hours of the morning when I have only had two hours sleep the night before. So, first impressions of Singapore? Despite being warned of the horrors of not being allowed entry into Singapore even if you do meet all their visa requirements etc, by the consulate, Singaporean immigration officials are LAX!! They didn't even ask me how long I was staying... Second, Singapore is unspeakably humid but not as hot as I had imagined. Third, there are lots and lots and lots and lots of palm trees - nice.

On that note, it is past 2 in the morning again and I am writing nonsense so I think I shall call it a day and be more forthcoming tomorrow!

Dreams

I had a really nasty dream that mary-the-hamster was being chased by Sunsook's cat who savaged her and then she was bleeding and all cut up so badly that I had to give her back to the cat so she could be put out of her misery....

I'd say I need a holiday but I've just had one....

Tadaima...

I have so much to say about Singapore, but despite the fact that I have been asleep most of the day- I am still tired, so, for now, I shall just confine my commentary to two words:

RAFFLES HOTEL, baby - yeah!!

Oh, sorry, that's four words, isn't it?!

Gone to Singapore for a well-earned rest. Will be back in a week for more acerbic commentary on life... IF I can be bothered....

What is the point...?

There are some moments you want to keep forever. Frozen in time, preserved like perfect fragments of something that almost was... Moments when everything is perfect, when you are so filled with joy that you could shatter into a hundred thousand tiny pieces and become one with space and time... Like when you meet a 15 year old girl who wants to learn English so badly that she takes on a job as well as school so that she can pay back the loan her unemployed Mother has taken out to pay for lessons. And you want to do your absolute best, more than your best, because she wants what you have to offer so badly that if you had to move the Earth itself in order to help her fulfill her dreams that you would... and then the next day, some ignorant, chauvinistic tosser tells you that if you want his advice -(like hell)- you have been in Japan for too long and you should go home, find a man and start making babies because that is what women were made for. And you have to smile through gritted teeth and thank him for his advice but say politely that you won't be taking it, instead of slapping his face and walking out of the classroom because sadly you don't get paid for slapping students. And you are right back to wondering what the hell you are here for...