How is it possible ...
...that I can bear the possibility of moving to a school I don't want to go to with a little more than dread but a 2 inch bug has the power to turn me into a driveling, sobbing, incoherent wreck incapable of movement or thought...?
Oh yes, 2AM maybe 2,30 AM I decided it was about time I went to bed as I was on the early shift the next day... as I was sitting on the er.... throne... I saw something fly across from my bedroom to my kitchen, I actually thought it was a moth at first and then of course, I realised that it was not. Thankfully my bathroom is the size of an aeroplane bathroom and I don't shut my door because if I did, I would not have seen it. And then who knows what I might have woken up to, it would have made Simon crawling around in my hair look like fun... So this time I was well armed, I had insecticide and I was ready to use it. There was one tiny problem with this - if I sprayed a roach in my kitchen I had no idea whether it would actually die right there or fly around until it died and who knew where it would land... I might not have been able to get it out or whatever. The annoying little abomination of nature crawled under my hob, then into my cutlery drawer - so now I have to buy new cutlery, no way in hell I'm using that again- So I thought ok, I can use the old bag and curtain pole trick again, only this time, once it was in the bag, I would gas it... nearly worked as well until the abhorrent beast saw what was coming and flew off onto the window sill.... marvellous thought I, I can push the window and screen open and he will go away and I can slam it shut and that will be the end of it... Apparently they don't like air or something because then it went berserk and started flying around and having a spack attack. Eventually it settled on the wall and started running around near the ceiling at which point I lost the plot and started gassing it. It tried to run and then fell like a stone to the ground and of course I had no idea whether this was a weevil-like stunt fall or whether it was dead. More to the point I couldn't SEE it... So it's about 3.30AM now I have to move everything around very gingerly with the aid of my curtain pole to avoid frightening it if it was still alive and kicking so to speak... I eventually located it and it was kicking... don't know about alive! So now, the problem was how to get it out of my flat without touching it in anyway now that it was on the floor... Well I ended up getting the vacuum out and tried to get it that way. Of course before that I had to arrange my vacuum strategically over a plastic bag so that I would be able to rip out the vacuum cleaner bag and wrap it up quick smart just in case it really was alive. Well now here's the thing, it wouldn't vacuum, I spent about 15 minutes trying to get it and then another 15 tentatively trying to establish that it was in fact in the vacuum cleaner bag and not lodged in the tube somewhere... Finally accomplished that, sealed the plastic bag, entombed my vacuum in another plastic bag just to be sure and lobbed them outside. 4AM. Can I sleep? No, of course not because despite the fact that I have left the light on, every time I fall asleep, somewhere in my dreams is a roach and I wake up. At 7.45 I had had about an hour's sleep I think and I had to get up and go to work. I have had so much caffeine today that I doubt I will ever sleep again, but my flat is roach free. Long may it last.
Now, I realise that I have presented this little episode as if I had executed my anti-roach warfare plan with cold-blooded military precision... the sad truth is that much like last time I was shivering, sweating enough that I looked as though I had been in the shower and sobbing like a baby, begging God to make it disappear... It made the transfer to Ueno hirokjoi look like fun.. what the hell is wrong with me?
Oh yes, 2AM maybe 2,30 AM I decided it was about time I went to bed as I was on the early shift the next day... as I was sitting on the er.... throne... I saw something fly across from my bedroom to my kitchen, I actually thought it was a moth at first and then of course, I realised that it was not. Thankfully my bathroom is the size of an aeroplane bathroom and I don't shut my door because if I did, I would not have seen it. And then who knows what I might have woken up to, it would have made Simon crawling around in my hair look like fun... So this time I was well armed, I had insecticide and I was ready to use it. There was one tiny problem with this - if I sprayed a roach in my kitchen I had no idea whether it would actually die right there or fly around until it died and who knew where it would land... I might not have been able to get it out or whatever. The annoying little abomination of nature crawled under my hob, then into my cutlery drawer - so now I have to buy new cutlery, no way in hell I'm using that again- So I thought ok, I can use the old bag and curtain pole trick again, only this time, once it was in the bag, I would gas it... nearly worked as well until the abhorrent beast saw what was coming and flew off onto the window sill.... marvellous thought I, I can push the window and screen open and he will go away and I can slam it shut and that will be the end of it... Apparently they don't like air or something because then it went berserk and started flying around and having a spack attack. Eventually it settled on the wall and started running around near the ceiling at which point I lost the plot and started gassing it. It tried to run and then fell like a stone to the ground and of course I had no idea whether this was a weevil-like stunt fall or whether it was dead. More to the point I couldn't SEE it... So it's about 3.30AM now I have to move everything around very gingerly with the aid of my curtain pole to avoid frightening it if it was still alive and kicking so to speak... I eventually located it and it was kicking... don't know about alive! So now, the problem was how to get it out of my flat without touching it in anyway now that it was on the floor... Well I ended up getting the vacuum out and tried to get it that way. Of course before that I had to arrange my vacuum strategically over a plastic bag so that I would be able to rip out the vacuum cleaner bag and wrap it up quick smart just in case it really was alive. Well now here's the thing, it wouldn't vacuum, I spent about 15 minutes trying to get it and then another 15 tentatively trying to establish that it was in fact in the vacuum cleaner bag and not lodged in the tube somewhere... Finally accomplished that, sealed the plastic bag, entombed my vacuum in another plastic bag just to be sure and lobbed them outside. 4AM. Can I sleep? No, of course not because despite the fact that I have left the light on, every time I fall asleep, somewhere in my dreams is a roach and I wake up. At 7.45 I had had about an hour's sleep I think and I had to get up and go to work. I have had so much caffeine today that I doubt I will ever sleep again, but my flat is roach free. Long may it last.
Now, I realise that I have presented this little episode as if I had executed my anti-roach warfare plan with cold-blooded military precision... the sad truth is that much like last time I was shivering, sweating enough that I looked as though I had been in the shower and sobbing like a baby, begging God to make it disappear... It made the transfer to Ueno hirokjoi look like fun.. what the hell is wrong with me?
Labels: Disgusting Bugs
posted by OrientBird | 8:19 pm
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