I simply DON'T believe it

So I got home after a day of OT at about 10.15 to see a cicada lying upside down RIGHT OUTSIDE my DOOR. It seemed as though it was slightly more toward me than central so I figured if I went down the stairs behind it and came on from the other direction, I might be able to pull the door open and rush inside without it screeeeeeping at me. So I took the lift to the fourth floor and edged around the couple that were lounging in the drain belted it along to the steps only to discover the alcove absolutely CRAWLING with them... sweating already ...decided to go down to the second floor, came up the stairs only to realise that the deviant little blot was in fact, completely central and I could not get into my flat. It might be dead, it might not, we all know what they are like... the old lady next door whose door I was outside whimpering had the lights off so I didn't see any help forthcoming from her and we all know the other neighbours are about as much use as a wet weekend in Paris. I was wetting myself. Had no idea what to do... I couldn't stay out all night that was sure... in the end I noticed that the old lady next door had an umbrella... you can guess the rest, I nearly had heart failure when the thing did a mini-screeeep but at least I managed to flick it far enough to get in the house.... don't know how I'm going to get out tomorrow though, I couldn't flick it that far...